fuck this these laws!
let me elaborate a bit.I want to tell you the story of a german woman so maybe you follow better. i’ll tell you my story afterwards. She is racialized, but she is at least not coming from one of those “shit-hole” countries like mine. I’m sure it makes it easier, just close your eyes. Imagine an amazing painter in her studio. Her paintings are insane. She paints these portraits that will blow your socks off. Well at least they did mine. i saw her work over the weekend in moderna museet in malmö.

Her name is lotte laserstein. her work is sensual, the way she looks at her model, the way she presents… if you got some queer juice in your head, you can’t miss whats between the line in “i and my model”. but i don’t want to go down this road…

she was labeled three-quarter jewish and was targeted by the nazis (don’t mind them being called “national socialists” on the wall of the gallery, they just have difficulty calling nazis, nazis! even thought it’s technically the same, “national socialist” just has less of a pang, it’s softer, fuzzier, they just were “nationalist” and “socialist” rather than fucking nazi pigs. Swedes do this all the time! They soften things. just see how they (you?) hesitate to call SD, neo-nazis! The racialized people get it though, you don’t want to be too harsh to some racist people). According to the bio on the website of the museum: “her private teaching studio is closed. she is not allowed to exhibit, sell works, or buy paint and materials. she takes a job as an art teacher at a private jewish school.”
In 1937 she got residence via a job she got in Stockholm and got out! Her mom and sister didn’t get a residence permit despite her efforts. She was trying to get away from nazis (remember?) and had to have a formal marriage n 1938 with a Swedish man to get citizenship. She was not wanted by this country and had to jump through these loopholes to become a citizen. But after all, she did get through!
Not giving a residence permit to her mom, resulted in her mom being murdered by those “national socialists” in 43 in ravensbruk concentration camp (she has a stepping stone at immenweg 7, berlin). her sister survived but was deeply traumatized. Just think about the image of “neutral” Sweden in your minds. This is how you are neutral in this world!

After moving here, she felt isolated. She said, according to the wall in the gallery:

“Sweden is nice, people are friendly,
but for all their sympathy it does not touch them
nobody can feel it fully, not even me…
this is our destiny as emigres..”

She drifted apart from her painting style that was close her heart, her portraits don’t have the same look or passion as they did and she did Swedish landscapes for their general appeal.

But now she is the german-swedish painter. You want her to be your painter. Cause she made amazing art. And somehow you feel like you can have that as a part of your “Swedish” thing. In 93 she achieved the status of the perfect immigrant. A dead immigrant! Now you can capitalize on her work and sell tickets for people to watch her work and she can’t bother you no more! Isnt that just a perfect Swedish story?

now to my story…

I am queer, i’m saying this so you don’t have to wonder after i die. i’m racialized, but got out of my “shit-hole” country with a student visa, got admitted to your prestigious royal institute of technology in 2010, since my biggest fear was to somehow die in my country. now my biggest fear is to be thrown back there. When i was here, I was dirt poor. I got this part time shit-job at a company in Stockholm in my 2nd year of studies. and one day in 2012 i got this email:

dear xxxx,
unfortunately i have some really bad news that are new to me for today.
we are not allowed to have you and xxxx working for us due to rules for U.S. companies for people with Iranian citizenships.
I am really disappointed about this because we have been very satisified with your work and xxxx’s work but unfortunately there is nothing i can do about it.
I wish you good luck and i’m happy to write recommendation letter for job applications if you need.
best regards

He never wrote that recommendation letter!
This has been going on since! They have expanded the rules since! (shocker! i know!!!) I applied and applied. I didn’t know why i don’t get accepted anywhere, I was qualified and i knew it. I was in agony, had to go back to Iran and stay there for a while looking for a way to get out. I got a phd somewhere else in europe then moved here as a consultant. Twice more i have been getting those emails since i moved back. I found work. doing things not relevant to what i studied. Anything that kept me here. Then i found out that the company that i was working at has now a black list for new hirings that has my country in it! Somehow someone didn’t check their mail and i got through, or was it there back then?I was looking forward to this year since I could be come permanent resident of this place -after 4 years of paying my taxes to this shit show- so i don’t have to shit myself every time something happens in the world, or every time you guys have an election. But no, you can only apply for the permanent residency when you want to extend your residency (which for me is in 1.5 years). I’m gonna try to get that citizenship, but till i get it, i have to sit down, be a good boy, not do anything naughty to make big Swedish daddy angry. Otherwise i they would call me a thug criminal migrant and throw me back out…

And you know? There are many people in similar situations in this country. And somehow i’m one of the luckiest ones.

Im not as good as Lotte was in her craft. But i’m a human being and my worth is not how good i can paint or write code or what ever fuck your system thinks is the worth a person. My siblings are human beings too. Some of them are queer, some are not. Some are on the other side of the fence trying to get here, away from the religious fascist or war or some other shit. some are here, trying to not be thrown back in front of the fascists or into the war or some other shit. It doesn’t matter if we are good at some fucking job! it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t…

We are not here because of our immense love this country! We are here because its maybe the best bet for many of us to stay alive!
If this is the first time you hear about this, I highly recommend that you pull your head out of your ass.
You are not neutral. You’ve never been. Back then your country collaborated with those nazis, now, they are in the government. And im sorry to have to break it to you, we are all the baddies!!!

so yeah, fuck these laws that make people treat people like things! no-one ever gets used to being a thing.